The phrase “love of aging” connects to the Love of Aging Movement, an organization and mindset shift dedicated to changing how society views growing older. It promotes a positive, joyful narrative where older adults feel valued, connected, and free, backed by research showing a good attitude helps people live happier and healthier lives.
Growing older is often synonymous with a slew of negative misconceptions: slowing down, becoming frail, and most baffling of all, losing interest in intimacy and love. As a specialist in aging, I’ve dedicated my career to debunking these myths and enlightening individuals on healthy aging.
Aging can bring physical challenges. Conditions like Parkinson’s disease, for example, can introduce tremors or muscle rigidity. But does that hinder love and intimacy? Not necessarily. An educational campaign focused on ways couples, especially those grappling with medical conditions, can maintain and even enhance their love and intimacy is important. For example, a candlelit dinner or soft background music can profoundly amplify loving romantic experiences. By focusing on ambiance, elders can create a sensual environment that fosters love and intimacy.
Keeping channels of communication open ensures that both partners are on the same page. Discussing past loving and intimate moments, setting expectations, and expressing desires can bolster a relationship and expand love. Emotional closeness, understanding, shared experiences, and mutual respect form the bedrock of elder relationships. This is not to undermine the importance of sexual health and activity, but it stresses that love and intimacy have multiple facets. As age advances, some facets might shine brighter than others. A holistic approach to love and intimacy ensures that relationships remain robust and fulfilling. As we navigate the stages of life, it’s crucial to stay open-minded, challenge societal norms, and redefine personal narratives. Love and intimacy for elders in the golden years might be aging’s best-kept secret, but it’s high time we let it out.
Elders sometimes find that they are isolated and lonely. Whether they’ve moved into an assisted living or nursing home facility or have lost a spouse, it may seem difficult to feel connected and loved. Elders need love and affection as much as anyone else despite the fact that talking about it is somewhat taboo. Age has no bearing on a person’s ability to give or receive love. In fact, loving for longer is excellent for a person’s health. Love affects everyone in multiple ways. Yes, love makes you feel happy and good about who you’re with, but it also causes a physical reaction. It causes symptoms like a quick heart rate and dilated pupils, both signs that you’re attracted to another person. At the same time, sex and love can help with additional benefits such as boosting the immune system, improving sleep, reducing stress, lowering blood pressure, and a stable, healthy relationship with another person boosts your emotional and mental well-being at all ages.
Knowing that physical manifestations of being in love can improve your health is the first step towards understanding the importance of love for elders. Did you know that love can actually change your brain chemistry? Elders may find that they feel happier and less lonely or isolated just by having contact with someone they love. Beneficially, just thinking about your partner once you’re in love may help reduce stress, pain, and negative feelings.
Additionally, a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers found that romantic love can be best broken down into three categories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each has its own set of hormones that are found in the brain, like testosterone and estrogen for lust, dopamine, norepinephrine for love, and oxytocin and vasopressin for attachment.
Elder love shouldn’t have to be taboo, but it often is. An elder who has lost a partner may be ready to move on to start dating or to be with someone new, but family members may be upset about them moving on or be grieving themselves. It’s important to remember that elder love doesn’t need to be taboo and shouldn’t be. Love is healthy, and elders have time to pursue a new romance. In fact, a national poll on aging from the University of Michigan found that of those between 65 and 80, 72% had a current romantic partner.
Getting older does mean that those who date may run into unique issues like dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. The development of these diseases doesn’t mean that a person no longer has a need for physical or emotional intimacy, though. Dementia or Alzheimer’s may change how seniors express their need, such as by reducing sexual energy but having a heightened interest in cuddling or handholding. This is something to discuss with your partner if one or both of these conditions occur.
No matter how old you or someone you love is, love is never out of the equation. It’s important to encourage finding love at any age to break the taboo and improve the lives of those you care about. Elder love and companionship are natural and necessary and we all need to participate. What better way to add life to years?
