Interpersonal connections are the social and emotional bonds we form with other people through interaction, communication, and shared experiences. They can range from deep, long-term relationships like family and romantic partnerships to more casual, context-specific connections such as friendships, workplace relationships, or even brief encounters with neighbors or volunteers.

Interpersonal connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Interpersonal connection is understood as a core human need and the desire to connect as a fundamental drive. It is crucial to development; without it, we experience distress and face severe developmental consequences.

The Health Effect

In fact, interpersonal connection is essential to nearly every aspect of health and well-being. Lack of connection, or loneliness, has been linked to inflammation, accelerated aging and cardiovascular health risk, suicide, and mortality. Research over the past few decades has begun to shift our understanding of this hierarchy. Interpersonal connection and socialization may in fact be a basic need, as powerful as our need for food or water.

In addition to the health consequences of lacking interpersonal connection, chronic lack has been linked to a host of negative health outcomes, including a 50% greater chance of death. This effect on mortality is not only on par with one of the greatest risks, smoking, but also exceeds many other risk factors such as obesity and physical inactivity. Lack of interpersonal connection has been found to negatively affect the healthy function of nearly every system in the body.

Our Need for Belonging

Some research theory maintains that humans have an inherent drive to have a minimum number of social interpersonal relationships that foster a sense of belonging. Interpersonal connections are critical, but we may reach capacity and not want or need any more. This can be applied to friendships where an individual may desire social connections, but they may reach a point where they have enough friends and do not seek any more. Researchers maintain that we still require a certain minimum amount of interpersonal connection, but these bonds can substitute for each other.

Interpersonal connections are a primary motivator of human behavior, providing a framework for understanding social relationships as a basic, fundamental need for psychological health and well-being. Not only is the lack of interpersonal connections harmful to our health, but it is becoming more and more common. As many as 40% of adults over the age of 65 report sometimes lacking interpersonal connections, and 15–30% of the general population feel the same and have developed chronic loneliness. These numbers appear to be on the rise, and researchers have called for social connections to be a public health priority.

Historically, most psychologists and relationship counselors predict a decline of intimacy and passion over time, replaced by a greater emphasis on companionate love. However, a couple of studies have found no decline in intimacy nor in the importance of sex, intimacy, and passionate love to those in longer or later-life relationships. Older people tend to be more satisfied in their relationships but face greater barriers to entering new relationships than do younger or middle-aged people. Older women in particular face social, demographic, and personal barriers; men aged 65 and older are nearly twice as likely as women to be married, and widowers are nearly three times as likely to be dating 18 months following their partner’s loss compared to widows. Many elders lack interpersonal connections due to loss of a spouse and family; they are isolated and do not have interpersonal connections.

Kindness Matters

Performing acts of kindness for others has been found to have a positive effect on interpersonal connections, suggesting that helping others provides similar health benefits. Self-reflection is essential to appreciate the relativity of every standpoint and synthesize various perspectives within interpersonal connections, which ultimately broadens the mind’s range and openness for new experiences. Both interactive, kind emotions and cognitions require mindfulness – the ability to observe and be aware of one’s own emotional states and thoughts as they relate to interactions with others. Kind actions that are other-oriented include simple acts of helping or comforting another person or more complex prosocial behaviors such as sharing with or being inclusive of discriminated people. Self-oriented kind actions include self-caring behaviors. The more each of these components are learned and practiced as part of everyday life, the more power they will have to transform the self and create interpersonal connections that contribute to health and add life to years.